Spoiler: The first and last paragraphs of this post are admittedly fake news. Everything else is 100 percent true.
Atlanta, GA, January 30, 2017–The Center for Disease Control (CDC) reports signs of a new and potential dangerous pandemic originating in Washington, DC. The affliction was introduced to the Nation’s capital recently by a New York real estate mogul and reality show host who established residence in the federal district earlier this year. Symptoms include rampant narcissism and pathological lying. CDC warns the malady is highly contagious as evidenced by the number of individuals, who having come in contact with the initial carrier, now exhibit similar behavior. CDC sites the following examples as the basis for their findings.
The extent to which this syndrome, dubbed DJT (Duh Jive Truth), can be transmitted without physical contact was demonstrated last Friday by Donald Trump’s underling Mike Pence, who is seldom if ever seen in proximity to his keeper. At the March for Life rally in Washington, D.C., Pence praised Trump for ensuring federal funds would never be used to cover abortions. Sound familiar? Maybe because this prohibition has been in effect since passage of the Hyde Amendment in 1976. But that would never stop the narcissus-in-chief and his second-in-command from taking credit for it.
Speaking of narcissists, White House counselor Kellyanne Conway, during an interview Sunday on Fox News, made the ban on Muslims all about herself.
I was stopped many time — weren’t you? — after 9/11. I didn’t resemble or share a name with or be part of any kind of terrorist conspiracy, but this is what we do to keep a nation safe. (Fox News Sunday, January 29, 2017)
Kellyanne, you were not STOPPED. Like every other person who boards an airplane these days, you were screened and waved on to your gate. Were you ever separated from the rest of your traveling party? Were you ever physically detained in a holding area? Did you ever miss your flight? People living with DJT, like Conway, often experience reverse psychological projection. Instead of seeing their own behavior in others, they adopt the legitimate fears and apprehension of others as their own in hopes of garnering sympathy. Do not be surprised if Conway next claims she was stopped and beaten by the police after being pulled over for a broken tail light.
But if you really want to know how debilitating DJT can be, look no further than poster boy Sean Spicer. The White House press secretary has been criticized for carrying Trump’s water on a number of false claims. Pundits have wondered how anyone could ask his chief spokesperson to do that. CDC suggests Trump is not responsible. Once infected with DJT, Spicer is acting on his own when he informs the press and American citizens Trump had the largest inaugural audience EVER, the boss only lost the popular vote because of zombies and imaginary Latin Americans, and a Muslim ban is not a Muslim ban. One CDC official used a Seinfeld episode to explain how DJT affects its victims. Prior to taking a lie detector test, George Constanza (Jason Alexander) counsels his friend, “Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.”
CDC, as yet, has not developed an antidote for DJT. In the interim, CDC suggests the major preventative currently available is a free and aggressive press. As one CDC researcher recommended, “Take two First Amendments and call us in the morning.”
For what it’s worth.